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*CAROL*(red) aka Xiaohui, [Last Requiem]ahrol, rolrol by zijin
NYGH
16
Ex-Riflist of Nyshooting School Team 17071992
Lame Little, Mad Little,Complicated Little Weird little Trng Girl
GIRL GONE WILD
~ZIJIN~(dark blue) aka Tissue-the-great-idito!AHZAN/wuzan/laopo by shiing.
NYGH
sweet 16 already yay!!
Riflist, School Team 11041992
Hyper High Huggable Highly Abnormal Randomization Queen
HELPLESS BASKETCASE
[shiing](orange) aka Muachee,darling by eening, laopo/taymua/ahmua by zijin
16
Riflist, School Team 17121992
Clumsy Accident Prone*ouch* Madly Nice Crazy Party Girl(Hyper after 9:30pm) MUACHEE~EXTRA NUTS,EXTRA SUGAR,EXTRA CUTE!
^^Ee Ning^^(blue green) aka darling(by shi ing) and OOINING by carol and mr tan.
16
Riflist'06.Pistolist '08
22121992
Pokable Pokie Pig who likes to Poke Ppl.
HYPER,HUGGABLE,HONEYED CUTIE PIE
to all those who made it much better for me.. i love you. truly. shes better.. but they said that we are just buying time. hopefully it'll be a long time. all i ever wanted comes without a pricetag. i got love and care from my friends this time. im spreading it to everyone around me from now.. im much much more humbled from this.. and much more appreciative. ive gained alot through the loss of water supply from my body (my eyes haha) =.= including filtering my friends. i really appreciate. those who stuck to me like glue even though i was so so down. and lift me back up from my sadness =)
to you.. i promised to meet you when we both get there. it doesnt seem like a short journey neither is it painless. im not letting go of that bit of happiness i'll feel when we reach there its a long way and i'll understand if you let go halfway. cause you feel more pain than i do.. but if you dont wanna let go.. believe that we're getting there, with every day, every time, we take a small step. towards fufilling the promise i made to you. and when we reach, it will be time for judgement.. of starting a new journey, or ending the road. For now, I just hope that youre really happy. thank you. =)
thanks to all the people who kept asking me how i was and how she was.. i really didnt noe i had so much support from those around me..
iseeyou. these words only three can understand what it truly means. the fourth person died. haha.. it really hurts. to see her lying there. tubes just fly everywhere.... shes so skinny. her face bloated. hand bloated. its tiring to look at her like that. friday was a horrible experience. i would never forget that image my whole life. i felt so happy that i didnt go home after school that i went there after so much contemplation. cause after i went home from there my nightmare started.
after the visit, i went home. i saw my dinner. wow so happy. never been so happy to see food before. ahma cook for me.. haha... after six months i finally get a taste of REAL homecooked food. ohwells. then watch tv.. do chores then there was this phone call and i almost dropped the phone onthe spot. took taxi. the bloody uncle wont drive faster i tell him emergency already and he just wont register. and so we rush rush rush. then when i got there outside the room. i heard him screaming. i heard her screaming a nurse came out and i saw a crew of about ten hovering around thhe bed then i saw so much blood. i almost puked. then i saw my hero crying. i saw no doctor. i saw her pulling out everything that was gonna be attached to her she was screaming so badly. it was like a madman house the door closed i looked at my brother, myahma and my auntie. i saw no doctor.
the next time i heard the door open. i saw him walking out. i saw the doctor. the doctor gathered us. explaining everything i was like. "i was here four hours ago sleeping beside the bed and everything was okay and she was watching some korean show on tv" right. basically from what the doctor said we had no other choice but to agree to go for another angio' to-zijin and eening-: the other time it passed on clear(last sunday) was because the blood clotted and the body healed itself. now it burst. and yah its from the major thing to the brain. so
2hours later. i saw myself sitting outside the place i sat just five days ago. this time it wasnt only my hero and i. it was twelve other ppl. the doctor was talking everyone was tearing. again. we had no other choice stuff the balloon in or she'll bleed to heaven. so stuff in and then i sent an sms to eening and zijin 20% __ so yeah. i alternated between crying and praying. everytime i teared i told myself i cant let her see my like this. and that ive to pray. everytime i prayed. i saw her talking to me 8 hours ago. so well. so energetic. everytime i went to the toilet. i saw myself in the mirror' so weak yet struggling to be strong. angio done, balloon stuffed, she was strong. she was wheeled back to icu time was 4am. i saw her lying there. here tube there tube' i was hoping she wouldnt feel any pain. she was asleep when i saw her i just couldnt help it. sorry la.. so i cried. it was heart breaking.. it really felt that my heart was being squeezed. so tight.
5am reach home. exhausted. emo. depressed. hopeful. tired. stressed. i went to sleep i dreamt a nightmare i dreamt last week.
saturday 930am. wake up. eat hospital. temple. eat. temple. hospital home. hospital. home my saturday ended on early sunday.
i really cant take it anymore for so many years we have suffered alot mentally. from her sickness but she was suffering mentally and physically. for so many years i saw her in pain for so many years. it didnt recur. i cant hold out the pain. the anger the stress the tiredness. im falling like last week again. yet i told myself i cant fall. and so im standing feebly. unable to stand strong. unable to fall flat. because she once said this to me last week,"dont worry. im strong. like you" i cant imagine. falling . i saw her ytd. amidst the sedation, she awoke when i called her. i forced a smile. amidst all the tears. she opened her eyes so big. it was as if she couldnt see me clearly. and had to open her eyes bigger. so she did. her eyes were so so big. i swear. and i saw the ends of her two eyes lifted up. i told myself i wont fall. cause im strong. like her.
today. another crucial day. im praying. hoping.
still thankful for all those who helped support me. limp along again. it has barely been one week. im tired.yet again. im convincedim just a weak little kid. still hoping, still praying.
i think i should just go get my own blog.. im hoping all this crap im feeling will go in a few days. weeks wadever.
while things get better.. i get so much more drained.
i am. tired. stressed. punctured. and emo. get that. RAR.
you know it just takes THIS little bit of appreciation okay. i have no obligations to be your dustbin. for you to thrash me about stupid idiotic things which shouldnt even exist for you to scold me and ruin my day. stupid things like not being able to find a key for a moment cause i didnt put it in my bag's second pocket but the third pocket. WAD THE HELL LAH.
sorry im supposed to be understanding towards you at this point of time but sorry im a balloon and time bomb too okay. TOUCH ME ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL BURST. ok i burst today already. as how zijin jiamin and hamham saw. i bet its their first time seeing me so angry WTH la sorry hor. you dont let me burst in front of you and i wont be so stupid to cause i'll get even more ranting. YOU RUINED MY DAY. from the very moment i woke up. how much more idiotic can my life get.
sometimes i really wonder why im on this sickening planet okay. why i had to grow up so differently from other ppl. WHY EVEN MY SIMPLEST BIRTHDAY WISH WHICH EVERYONE ELSE WISHED FOR TOO AND GOT IT BUT I DID NOT its not even some materialistic piece of gucci handbag or whatever you call that. STOP IT ALREADY. im going crazy. cmon you say youre going crazy. im going crazy too okay! now would you mind.. before i land in the asylum give me some rest. ive not been sleeping for the past week from last last sunday. i can safely tell you the whole week i got less than 40 hours of sleep so thats about as equivalent to yours? I HAVE ALSO BEEN RUSHING THERE AND BACK THERE AND BACK LIKE YOU HAVE LA sorry i dont have a car please. i take transport and sleep my butt off it. AND. cmon la you dont eat you think i feel like eating ah! wth.
im so tired. iron clothes TAKE ONE AND A HALF HOURS AND WTH LA cmon if your eyes are blind. kindly please just unblind them for a moment. and see that there are so many clothes on the bamboo for ironing that the bamboo is bending already?!?!!? and yeah right. wonderful me have to iron all that? WTH i give up. i only ironed some i dont care i dont care! im washing dishes off my butt. ironing off my butt. AND TRYING TO BLOODY KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN OKAY. SORRY LAH YOU TIRED I ALSO TIRED PLEASE. you think i lead A class life in school ah. recess rush work lunch rush work here rush there rush. plus it doesnt help when everyone else seems to be smarter than you please! please register that into your head. and also register that As just dont fly out from a money tree and i just sit under the tree everyday and wait to collect it.
YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO FINISH YOUR WORK I ALSO DONT HAVE TIME TO FINISH MY WORK. SORRY HOR. please dont rant at me. from young until now everytime you rant at me i cannot talk back at all. never quarrel with you before. just some justification just now ask me shut up. you think very funny ah. WTH I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE..
why dont other ppl have to undergo this as well. why dont they have to cry and iron and wash and mop and whatever. WHY WHY WHY. cause they are lucky.
WHYYYYYYYYY
im sounding like some IGNORANT SMALL LITTLE STUPID INNOCENT KID BUT IM SORRY LA. im also human. im not some alien from outer space which can take everything hurled at me. MY BALLOON OF HOT AIR BURST TODAY AND I LIVED IN TOTAL SILENCE UNTILRECESS.just total silence. SEE HOW YOU SPOILED MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg. im really turning into a brat. im supposed to be understanding at this period of time. but heck. you wont see this anw. so might as well get a WHOLE load off my chest and rant off now.
WTH even the moki (mosquitos) have something against me I SWEAR i was some stupid little person my past life thats why now my life so sickening. i stand there iron 1.5hours can get burnt by the iron and bitten four times by a bloody moki. i hereby declare my hate for mokis. and the fact that i didnt kill it didnt help make me feel btr at ALL. im not blaming me for wearing fbts at home and getting bitten cause its so freaking hot. wat else do i have to say.
basically nothing.
just that i dont know how much more of this shit can i be able to take. ps to wqg: ive never felt that because i had never been out of this. why cant i just have normal family problems like being unable to communicate with my parents. WHY. pss: i hereby declare my detest for my brother WHO CAN WEAR SO MANY FREAKING CLOTHES IN ONE WEEKEND. HE SPEND SO MUCH LESS TIME OUTSIDE CAMP THAN I AM OUTSIDE SCHOOL AND THE AMT OF CLOTHES HE WEAR STILL SO MUCH???? IRON UNTIL I DIE LEH KORRRRRRRRRRRR. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE. dont kill me. I'LL BRING YOU ALONG. RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
ok. for the first time in history. shi ing rants. and i LOVE her so much.
GET UP GETUP. i dont like you like this. i dont like me like this either. register.
ARGH. just. everything. please just get btr before i end up in the asylum.
wheeeeeeeee~ tissue is ALIVE omg after such a tiring day omg so proud of myself everyone should clap for me
-standing ovation-
-clears throat- thnx =D okay erm lets see.. today tissue had pe test WAD A DISASTER volley ball volley ball i hate volley i hate ball I REALLY HATE VOLLEY BALL after the test test thing tissue forearm is like full of polka dots =D so funky rite! dam pain can should be some capillaries burst or sth >< den now the whole class also polka dots everywhere jiayou to other classes having pe test recently soon we will have a whole sec 3 polka-dotting-cohort
oh ya and today during maths lesson we were revising some function and relations thing and so my group discuss discuss everyone has to do 6 qns den explain to the rest how u did it hahahaha so being the usual lazy tissue i always call f(x) as f so i said sth like u see tis f den u see tat f so u f tis and f tat den u get another f and u f it again so in the end u f here and f there den u get the answer one of my groupmates din get it so she asked me how i got my answer and i told her F LAR =D
and yesterday on the bus journey back i was chatting with ham toking about how gumgum laymin can get cos she noe i hate LIGHT RED colour so on throughout the whole bus ride she will look out of the window eagerly trying to find sth LIGHT RED den she will pointpoint and ask me wad colour it is @#%$&#@ basically she will try her best to find any fullstop-size LIGHT RED dots win le lor like giving me some type of eye check like tat i think she scared i dunno its pink(light red) colour. den toktoktokchiang halfway i notice tis hc guy sitting opposite me den sleep until dam cooked. erm i mean 熟 HAHA hes drooling like mad so i poke hamham and told her cos he look dam ridiculous ham: hahahahahahaha tissue: hhahahahahahaha ham: but u veri blunt leh tissue: where got? ham: u say until so straightforward for wad? tissue: if not? i tell u tat guy leaking water isit? so ham shuddup =D
oh i suddenly tot of wad jiayi said yesterday on msn its sth like "my shooting career ended with nationals" OMG LAR ITS SOUNDS DAM SAD CAN can u imagine we r now trning like shit den in a few years time everything is like gone with the wind all u r left with is some memories and ur frens okay lar i admit tats a lot already budden AIYA OMG IT REALLY IS QUITE SADDENING i dun wan tat day to come.. not like i love shooting so much budden WTH LAR I REALLY DREAD TAT FEELING forget it i shall stop tis post later i get emo den not good le still have to help ham finish her ih sia wad a great frens shes got =D =D =D
thank you to the four ppl helping me limp along. it was three ppl only until one forced me to. haha.. its getting btr now after all the praying.. over at ttsh.. it didnt raintoday.. i guess god is really wanting me to be strong and keep on fighting.. ytd was the pour out day and today i told myself id stop.. and i did. prob if the results werent good i wouldve just died. but im really grateful.. just that theres one more obstacle to cross.. and im worried.. shes so worried too.. its like youre chopping here and there and you leave her under knifes and tools and yah. but i really wanna thank you guys for giving me support when i needed it..
eening! <33> muack! zijin.. your simple sms meant lots and lots to me. haha.. taymua i love you. so goosebumpy. think of something nicer haha nice enough le nice enough le. IM CONTENTED LOR.. muack! and the other two haha thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muack!
to the four of you.. HUGS! sigh.. continue praying please and after all this is over.. help me limp back to tayshiing.. [: i dont wanna see me being the downtayshiing. im sick of it. ok 3 of four have read that post only the lastminute force me to tell de havent see HAHA anw i have no intention of letting you see =p ok im feeling btr obviously so many haha compared to ytd post. BIG THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! to the four of you who helped me hold onto whatever i had and pray like nuts im really sleep deficient havent slept properly since friday night practically zero sleep and ive so much work. really gonna ACK and die. yep. once again.. thank you.. really.. her time isnt up yet and i guess they wont and cant take her away yet.. i love her. and you guys. big heart! <33
the bill is gonna cost a bomb.
you were really strong today.. and i cant neither explain nor imagine what happened 10years ago. i see also scared.. you were brave. to my fat short hero. my biggest tribute. my biggest hero. my biggest superman. now i know where i get my optimism, my strength, my courage. and i realised that what you guys taught me and what i have now. is just a fraction compared to you guys. i wont let THEM take you away from me. not anytime soon. i <33> ling feel btr. this once please dont feel sad along with me. STOP the psychicness for once please. -ing-
omg long time no blog. like its the dunno how many time i said tat HAHA well tissue was busy lar u noe! =D
eh how ar tissue dunno wad to post about and suddenly i saw eeyore from the corner of my eye =.- beside eeyore is pooh OMG DAM CUTE but tats not the point the point is im so proud of my study table HAHAHAHA those who has been to my house noes tat my table is a bit erm..over crowded like india like tat i tell u hahahahahahaha so pig sty and my mum always say 我过着像猪一般的幸福生活 HAHA i think so too and tat day she was like a bit high dunno y lar i think she lost 1kg or sth (which is indeed a miracle) den she was like walking in front of me den shake here shake there walk until like oversized model like tat so i suaned her back by saying she has a 水蛇般的水桶腰 hahahahahahaha isit mean? i think it is leh hahahahahahahahahaha =D
oh and tissue is feeling guilty cos junhong asked me sth like 'eh u haven been trning for a long time isit?' den i shock so i ask him how he noe and i realise he goes trning as well and din see me in safra i feel so bad lar omg ever since nationals i onli went safra once and i trned for 1 hour plus onli >< i let my gun down~ he mus be rusting badly aiya sept holidays i think i shall one day go den oil the guns or sth treat it as personal cip TAYMUA AHNING ROLROL WAN COME ALONG? okay settled.
omg wad a rubbish post so no standard TIS IS NOT WAD TISSUE SHOULD BE POSTING yes tats rite. tissue shall strive to improve nxt time
helloo. haha if you feel happy please just dont continue reading i dont wanna feel guilty. im feeling not effed up today.. just screwed up not screwed up. emo haha i admit.. im emo today im not one of those stupid ppl who slip into emoness and depression for nothing and make myself so unhappy.
anw. five hours was all they could give me. it was a really short time, the amount of time you were rented to me. every five months. this time was the shortest trip and the most pain one.. ling.
i cant say im sorry i had school. neither can you say you were sorry you could only transit over ytd and stay till tmr those were beyond control. but if five hours was all i had id take it like i had. this year was really bad with everything happening around me' i know you know how emotionally screwed i am this year not cause you asked me but you felt it you left me alone for awhile of everyone around me only you could give me peace. before this is gonna get into like i-love-you-confession mode.. i really mean all that i say. you wont read this but i really need to rant you knew it was bad i was getting shit you didnt have to say anything i saw you and i just felt warmth.. something i havent felt in a long time. five months ago i was still happy =] but when i needed you the most i only had five hours it was so pain. anw. nice having you around the person i love the most =] nothing more should be said cause we got telepathy and you arent gonna read this but 1 hour of seeing you puke and get sick isnt making me feel any btr that you are in about the same state as me 3hours of kboxing really let me vent everything inside and really laugh for the first time in a long long while. the last hour.. minus half an hour spent on travelling the three neoprints taken like we always did meant alot to me
分手快乐 我无法帮你预言 委曲求全有没有用 可是我多么不舍朋友爱的那么苦痛
爱可以不问对错至少要喜悦感动 如果他总为别人撑伞 你何苦非为他等在雨中
泡咖啡让你暖手 想挡挡你心口里的风 你却想上街走走吹吹冷风 会清醒的多
你说你不怕分手 只有点遗憾难过 情人节就要来了 剩自己一个 其实爱对了人 情人节每天都过
分手快乐 祝你快乐 你可以找到更好的 不想过冬 厌倦沉重 就飞去热带的岛屿游泳
分手快乐 请你快乐 挥别错的才能和对的相逢 离开旧爱 像坐慢车看透彻了 心就会是晴朗的
没人能把谁的幸福没收你发誓你会活的有笑容----你自信时候真的美多了
its a love song i know its a break up song i know its a song about us p4 the first time i heard it. the first time i was flying back from brunei the first cd/tape someone had given me had this track. i cried on the airplane home while listening to this on the plane kor thought i was siao we've sung this every time we part after every meeting last time you came i couldnt pull throught he first chorus even so be proud i pulled through the end. you ging person refuse to cry go home then cry.. worse right.. =[
five hours made me forget all the pain i felt in the past months all the heartbreaks. every time you came you left. everytime i went i left. its just like that that we were never meant to stay together no matter how sister we felt. i curse. but to always know that at least i have someone feeling the pain when i feel it is great. im pretty doubtful we werent twins.
everytime you left my heart shattered loss of warmth. everytime you left my heart was scotchtaped together when you came back again it shattered and this time it'll leave a scar. i really needed you. there was no time. but the hugs said it all.
ling.. <33 i'll see you in december i guess dont cry over him be happy. =]] dont miss me too much though.. id feel it
shit la. cannot cryy.. cannot cry..
you always come to break my record of not crying right.. see la. shatter it again. and i hate hen duo mao! gawd. think of me more okay. if not i'll go and stab him with a spoon and flood his voicemail. HAH.
kay.havent posted for a longgggg time. NDP THIS YEAR WAS KEWL MAN. HAHA.xD. watching it live is so damn different from watching it on tv la. heard the tv one not nice. but on stage it's damn nice lah. ohman. LOVELOVELOVE the fireworks. :D :D yayyay. im a happy girl. HAHA. xD rest of the stuff said on my own blog le. so no point repeating. HMM. okay shall put song :D IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS BAND LA. =333 the members are SOSOSO CUTE. HAHA. ok nvm. SONG! :D
omg so long no post hahahahahaha jus popping by and telling everyone tat TISSUE IS STILL ALIVE ya =D
i remember i got a lot of things to post budden i forgot got 1 i remember HAHA DAM STUPID okay so tis is how it goes
one nice day called tuesday tissue was on 852 with layminmin on the way back home so we were reaching the khatib mrt station there when suddenly tis couple boarded so tissue dun pay attention to them and listen to my MARIAAAAAAAAAAA~ yea so suddenly as i was enjoying my dearest mumu (musicmusic) i heard someone toking loudloud behind
guy: HELLO AR anotherguy (over the phone on loudspeaker) : yes? guy: eh i saw ur advertisement on the bus anotherguy: eer? advertisement? guy: ya it says offering free sex. really ar? anotherguy: HUH i think u got the wrong number
den they put down the phone and the guy said to his gf "eh its a guy leh i tot its girl. lucky its wrong number, i not gay man."
?!?!?! den tissue was like HAHA and minmin was like HAHA even the 2 stnicks standing beside us were like HAHAHA budden we dun dare to laugh out so its like -tremble tremble- and i laugh until i go squeeze minmin's hand omg. and i think tat 'anotherguy' rite its quite suey cos tat 'guy' got 'anotherguy' de number from the bus seat u noe always got ppl go vandalise tat type HAHA kena sabo omg which siaodingdong will really go call lar!! win already man
oh ya den got one day i went home alone den on 852 i met another weirdo it was around 5+ den quite crowded the bus so OMG CHIONG AR and hengheng got a seat beside tis old ahma who looks soooooooo erm ahma. ya den i was jus about to sms my fren when suddenly! the ahma started toking to herself she was like @^$%#% whole string of hokkien/cantonese den i look at her den she look at me den she said sth like 今天我还没有上厕所! so i exclamation marked and question marked on the spot den she started toking to me but duh i din respond to her she said sth like wad.. NTUC 东西不新鲜啊! 我要睡觉了hor! 我的孙还在读小学! 很聪明leh! dam random even if i wan to respond also dunno where to start le can so i pretend to sleep den later even more omg she started singing and i dun understand wth shes singing until suddenly i realise the lyrics sounds like theresa teng the song so i paid attention to her singing omg other the the lyrics which is correct rite basically she sang the lyrics in another tune DAM OFF LAR HER PITCH so no choice i alighted at amk there den wait for nxt bus if i continue sitting with her i will jus go crazy as in really crazier.
oh and i found a way to counter hamham she always go around pangpang!! den u mus fake death now no need already u can tell her : U DUN HAVE A GUN SO IM NOT DEAD settled. =D
