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*CAROL*(red)
aka Xiaohui, [Last Requiem]ahrol, rolrol by zijin
NYGH
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17071992
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11041992
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17121992
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22121992
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Jiayou people (:

17 more days to go :D

# posted by Kal at 5:34 PM

the danger of my angst.
i know ive to get rid of it. that acuumulated mountain of sadness and anger.
theres no way. and when theres no way, you run away from it.
for as long as you can.
until you cant hold out and you explode.
implosion. for people who dont have the privilege of exploding out loud.
for too long ive been taking it in and not retaliating.
for too long there was high resistance against the anger.
imploding feels really bad.

i dont laugh just cause im in the presence of other ppl.
its a balancing act, you know?
to make sure im still sane.
i need that laughter.
its not pretence. its real.
its tiring, trying to keep yourself sane in all this madness. laughing is the only escape.
people just dont get it.

dont. keep trying to argue that ______ is a better school and people from ny and hc are reneging and transfering over.im not like you.
dont. keep trying to force me then act like you dont.
dont. keep trying to expect more and more from my academic results.
dont. try and control me. you cant. you can control my actions. force me. but you cant. control my emotions.
the struggle doesnt go away at all. in school and at home.
its painful. and it eats you from inside out.

i dont know whats happening.

thank god im normal 90% of the time. SANE. a little bit happier. and a lot more light hearted.
thank god.

now that im done.
its time to shove it back down.
and go on.
strong.

secondhand serenade----a twist in my story
Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

And I'm longing, for words to describe how I'm feeling
I'm feeling inspired
My world just flip turned upside down
It turns around, saw that's that sound
It's my heart beat, it's getting much louder
My heart beat, is louder than ever
I'm feeling alive, I'm feeling alive

My whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
I'm finally waking up, a twist in my story
It's time I open up, and let your love right through me
That's what you get
When you see your life in someone else's eyes
That's what you get, that's what you get

yes. im the ultimate romantic i know. i admit. HAHAHA
this song lifts that burden that much.
lift my burden.

# posted by So Cliché at 4:23 PM

what the hell are they thinking.
sometimes i just wish they could stop trying to lie to me.
they dont know how much fear i have in me.
at the rate we're going
i might lose her without warning just cause they think theyre not stressing me by not telling me the truth.

when living your life brings you so much torture physically and emotionally.
death can take away your burdens.
really.
its so fscking tiring for everyone already.
you two just stop it and everyone can go die.

just when i thought that it was all my imagination.
its a living nightmare.

i threw all my pain deep down into that black hole in me.
theres more to come;

if someone could just take away the pain.

right smack before my eoys. wow.

# posted by So Cliché at 7:15 PM

no avril concert.
no derrick autograph session.
no shopping.
and no maf. @@
AND no hotshot until tmr.
man.
this sucks. staying at home doesnt feel productive too.
ive been so sleepy in the day and as a result have super short concentration spans while mugging cause a visitor in my house sleeping in my room snores like.
*-* SUPER loudly.
ive counted. one day without sleep(after ren3ing, listening to loud mp3 at 2am at night, moving to the sofa and moving back up. WAHHHH so loud la.) and one day with 6hours of sleep from 4am to 10am @@. on my holiday. what bad thing did i do lah seriously. why do i deserve such karma. =[

and i cant concentrate too. ohmygod
after reading the whole bio textbook its like. YAY I READ IT. FINISHED IT. HAHAHA
and then next day i forget like. 70% of what i memorised.
@@

my parents were getting all panicky after i told them that i cant get anything into my head so i figured i would just stay at home the whole hols to rest their minds abit. NO AVRIL CONCERT.
i should be there at the indoor stadium now buying concert merchandise and planting my butt on the great super good view seat excitedly waiting for her to come out and taking picts of the stage. damn. now ive to make do with concert dvds. which, if it ever comes out, will cost a BOMB cause its gonna be imported. MAN. =[ i didnt regret so much after hearing its only 1.5hours.
BUT I FORGOT AVRIL DOESNT/RARELY CHANGES LA. shes like tshirt tshirt. change comeout tshirt. so that saves time. and then i read the article about her concert in malaysia 17 SONGS IN ONE HALF HOURS. i was like. crap. i should have freaking went. =[ sure got old songs!

now i'll prolly be watching some tv show or doing binomial theorem instead. :o

im ranting now. yes. hahhaa. lemme get these stuff off my chest.
it feels HORRIBLE.
pfft.

btw i was reading the papers today. and there was this thing about chinese netizens complaining when the famous chinese artist donated a whole bunch of artworks to our museum. (113. i dont remember drawing that many times from young until now. much less something super duper pretty.) he donate art, chinese netzies complain. gongli become singapore (PR?), netzies also complain. everything also whack. you3 wan2 mei2 wan2.. some singaporean donated to the beijing hall used during the olympics never donate to rebuilding our hdb lifts SINGAPOREANS GOT COMPLAIN OR NOT? never.but hello. we are known for complaining la. wanna beat us ah?
i bet if you got a whole lot of foreign workers in your country you will also start complaining about them living too near to your house. but china too big wont face this problem anytime soon.
singaporeans are champions. handsdown. dont even need to try to outcomplain them. :D

then the other thing about euthanasia.
=[
that one really made me sad
the mum.. doesnt want to die painfully i guess. i figured that maybe she felt it would bring more hurt to her family and make them go through more pain if she decided to stay alive because shed be a heavy burden.. but choosing to end your own life before your time is up is. also difficult for your family to accept.
that being said, if one day singapore decides to legalise euthanasia (with restrictions of course, like. only if medicine does not work anymore and youre really terminally ill. and its really damn torturing for the person. ) and my parents decide to opt for it, i dont think i'll stop them. at least it'll end their pain. geez. i dont think its cowardly. if i were terminally ill and dying =/ id opt for it too. dont prolong my pain if i cant get well. end it fast and quick. chang2 tong4 bu4 ru2 duan3 tong4. for the patient and his family. AHHH.

ohwells.
this is what happens when you die of boredom at home doing maths and past year paper(s).
you read alot more articles from the papers than you usually do.

lol but i found it really funny when mccain was called mcsame for copying the democrats' idea of telling america he will bring CHANGE~
mcsame.
haha.
theres mcflurry and mcchicken and..mcsame.
lol
ok skip that.

im getting so bored.
ive watched almost all the episodes of onigokko.
even the unsubbed ones.
ahhhhh.
i need memory cards for my brains. =[
bad bad feeling about eoys.
overload!

lol i cant get over mcsame. hahaha

for those of you whod like some laughter in your boring life..
have fun watching this.
ive watched it like a billion times and i still cant stop laughing.
i cannot play this game i will just die.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCqJTZ2c_Sg&feature=related

tentententententententen.-counts-.tenten. ;D

# posted by So Cliché at 6:49 PM

WHEEEEEEE TISSUE IS HAPPEH.
i got 392 for my hsk!
YAY HAHAHAHA WHEEEE but its still A so nvm

OH AND TISSUE CAME UP WITH A PUN.
tat day i was on the bus.
den i remember ham say sit bus mus sit on the right side row
cos like tat no sun to shine on half the face
later scully one side white one side black.
AND SO I CAME UP WITH KENA SAI.
HAHAHAHAHA okay sorry.
im obviously zi highing.

oh and on wednesday
i was on my way to school FOR A CERTAIN RETARDED PRESENTATION
AND I MET a person called ZHOU SI CHENG
OHHHHHHH MYY SHES THE BOMB.
by bomb i mean the disastrous type
ya
so anyway. shes like HAPPILY TRALALA-ING
to her 2 frens
btw they were all wearing uniform
shes like saying wad OH ONLI PRC GUYS WILL TURN ME ON.
and she repeated it for like at least 4 times
at an amazing amplitude.
and den shes kind of 'discussing' about FALLING IN LOVE
mentioning tat if she fall for a guy she will CHASE HIM LIKE CRAZY
poor guy oh my.
den the 2 frens r like quite uneasy.
LIKE DUH WHO WONT BE.
so poor thing.
i remember last time ham and one of my classmates
whos under the same cca as her
whole day complain complain
NOW I UNDERSTAND.

and tissue is going to die
shes hibernating too much thnx to the weather
every 30 min i study i will go and sleep
SO PER DAY I STUDY LIKE WAD. 2 HOURS NIA.
TIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE MY MUGGING PERIOD.
xinxi mummeh smsed me and asked if i wan to go out mug today
AT CLARKE QUAY
so cute my mummeh.

den i was thinking about yew tee
AND I REALISE
YEO ENG WAY THE ENG ENG
hahahahahahahahaha
WADS THE LINK BETWEEN ENGWAY AND YEWTEE?!
its okay inside joke.
mua noes =D

and jinny showed me my horoscope.
'When baby's hungry, he'll scream his lungs out just to get your attention, his ams and legs flailing frantically in jerky movements; but when the crisis is over, he'll be as cute and cuddly as ever, making you wonder what all the fuss was about. Just watch your Arien friend the next time he's hungry. Nothing else will seem to matter but that he find a restaurant and eat, and you must be hungry too, right?'
and she diedie mus add
Heath says:
WTH THIS IS TOTALLY YOU !
fine.

AHHHH ANYWAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST JACJAC
jacjac is congruent to eening.
ohhhhhh i haven revise maths yet.
DIE.
and i haven revise physics yet.
DIE.
i onli revised a bit of bio and a bit of chem
DIE.
WHEEEEE I SHALL STOP HERE

TERMINATED

# posted by So Cliché at 7:35 PM