mm..posting again.yay! tmr my birthday hahahaha. dno why i also so happy..mm..disappointed..and.. angry? frustrated...sad.one week of self denial.. being able to run away from everything..with her. was the best period of my life this year..hui2 jia1 le4... i should carry on with my work..mm..when will be the next time...next year? i guess. it feels good to know you have a sister..hurts ten times more to know you have only a few days to see her and spend time with her every year..had lots of fun..was happy.i didnt feel like a piece of tissue paper..no longer felt what i had been feeling for the past month..didnt feel used, thrown away.. lonely..now its back to normal..one more year of fighting alone..i know i have a great bunch of friends... another great bunch in my class..it just feels freaking awkward...cause myheart isnt really in singapore anw..i wanna attend her 70th birthday next year..but i have school.i wanna do so many things i wanna do..yet im held back by studies and blahs. i know i wont be allowed to leave anw..hurm...shooting..this year there were many downs, not so many ups..many disappointments from those close to me..no not you zijin and eening..shot..not too well during nationals..not what i expected..but i think i lag.. go home three days then realise i was unhappy..medals arent really what i wanted, neither are they what i really want.. though itd be a plus..just felt different this year.lonely? i guess.youre cutting off your own string.. youre leaving me there to hang by myself.i dont wanna hang there all by myself.. facing all those two faced puppets..why cut your string down..where i used to find happiness.. no longer serves its purpose..i admit ive changed alot this year.abit more..emo? hahahaha.funny my future juniors always ask me if im emo..its like they know me as an emo freak who could kill herself anytime now..hahahahahahahaha SO CUTE.no no i wont kill myself -.=not so stupid yet.so dont need keep asking le ^^funny ppl..hahahhahahatrying to motivate.. when i need motivation..=[i just dont want them to think like i do..jiayou.. you know i know you can doit ma...its getting difficult to even feel like giving up.. really dont feel like giving up.esp when i know there'll be many under me next year..i know if i do id really regret.. i wont take this down..but..feeling like a piece of used tissuepaper is really not fun...hurmph..im not gan1 xin1..but i'll try and fight~next year.. studies..this year..didnt disappoint myself..but still.. can be better..losing interest in studying.. never really felt interested anw..lets just get the next three freaking years over and done with..abit more happier.hehehehe.i dont really need you to keep harping on me and my work. i got do ok.now just stop. gar.i dont like it when ppl think im some immatured freak who doesnt do her own stuff by her own.next year.. will the same thing happen..?august..september.. im feeling scared.ah what was i doing with the time i prayed and begged for.im trying to mature as fast as i can ok..not like im pretending to be a little kid..im trying to HELP. and pray. and beg god for a little more effing time.tmr my birthday...should i thinkof wishes?lets see...i realise ive wasted my wishes for the past 14 years of my life..every year id wish me and my brother would get good grades so my parents would be happy..then everyone healthy andhappy..the first wish is rather wasted..cause its within my control..so..i shall wish for....something thats not within my control....maybe buddha'd listen to my little voiceand grant me my little wish..i feel myself sinking in deeper and deeper..i need a hug. a little motivation... and lots of love.pity those who can give me the love i need arent beside me most of the time..but i cant deny ive a great bunch of ppl around me..=] i love.note that saggitaurius-es love those close too them ALOT and do everything in their means to protect them.really! =p
