i wonder what will happen next year..ohwells.i counted the number of steps i took to reach home today..from the bus stopwasnt exactly raining but just drizzlingpretty funwalking in the rain... hahaohwells.6hundredandsixtyfiveesteps i tookits that long seriously i didnt know it was so many steps..dont ask me why i countedjustcounted so i wouldnt have to think and frustrate myself so much during the short distance from the busstop to the liftso i counted and before i knew it i reachedhaha..oh and recently ive just realised that i have nice teachers..well you can tell the difference between "i really care for you" and "i do it cause you pay school fees"but the teachers i have, id say.. really care for me.missing a whole week at school on week 10 really wasnt littleneither was it easy for me to catch up with the classbut after one whole week's worth of lunches, recesses, eating times and afterschools,ive finally finally caught up with where the class wasi feel really proud of myself haha..sacrificing my foooodi also realised..that school was the only place i could run away from reality. like when you are inside, all you have to do is listen, do your work, be nice andstuff. and you spend seven hours there before you out of schoolat least thats about 20% of the day i spend running away from realityand then after that i realise that i have to go back to face the music again.i dont even know how im coping with this anymorefunny twodays ago i was having maths remedialand then msypt was talking to me..and so i explained wad happenedand thenshe pausedand asked me"then who's taking care of you?"i looked at her, puzzled.for a moment i really didnt get what she was askingand then i said"who? my mother?"then she said"no. you."then she looked at me, obviously expecting me to give her an answeri couldnt think of any answer, and so i answered"me lor." laughingi dont know why i was laughingi guess i felt that it was just nonsensical to think about the answer to that question. the question sounded nonsensical to me.obviously things of this nature didnt occur to me before. and i never expected anyone to ask me questions of this sort as wellanwstoday in the car, on the way to pool up jessmy dad said" youve got to take care of yourself. i cant handle anymore problems"and then again i like, just like. hahathat was just my answeryet again, it really sounded quite nonsensical to me i nv recalled a time when he ever said that before. i nv recalled a time where he evenbothered to worry about me.and ive never recalled a time where i was taking care of myself by falling into depression.i dont know why im laughing lately.its either im so crushed that every little thing makes me happyor i find everything nonsensical to me.ohletssee.today i made a great discoveryof hyperthyroid.i hate you. i hate twelve years ago. i hate hyperthyroid. i hate my eyes. i hate my ears. i hate my brain.i hate my heart.i hate my existence.everything i believed in have betrayed meturned their backs on mei once believed my eyes, had faith in my judgementi once believed in happinessi once believed in love.terminated
