gonna be honest, downright straight.i wanna talkcan we talk?i know youve been avoiding my calls, my smses. maybe you werent avoiding. you always say you werent by the phone.ive always knew, but just like how you tolerated me, i tolerated, and chose to believe you were really busy. cause sometimes you are.but please.just pick up my call.i believe youre currently very demoralised.i just wanna talk to you.dont shut me out cause you know i'll ask you to train, to get back on.dont shut me out cause even if i dont remind you of your responsibilities as a role model for the club(yes i know you gonna crap me), i wanna be there for you as a friend.weve always known when we're both sad.can you just let me in for awhile?pick up my phone. im going crazy. if you dont pick up or dont talk to me about your problems i'll go crazy cause i know i cant pretend youre not sad.maybe its the suit. maybe its carol. maybe its the big star we've lost and probably to gold medal we've lost along with it.maybe its cause of these that youve lost motivation. or maybe cause you lost your faith in me. look through the book. i may have forgot what ive written. but i rmb i wrote meaningful stuff.gosh im actly tearing.you know how hard it is for me to tear right?i really wanna be there for you.dont avoid me.about her, im sad too. affected. wasnt as close to her as you. but still.i need you now too.im super super stressed.can you two just help me?i dont ask for alot.i just ask of you two, to take care of the effing _______taking. and the boot sizes thing.understand that when you two choose to run away, im left to do what youre supposed to do, on top of my stuff as a captain.dont run away.im stressed, ok? i know you guys are too, just. yah. you get it.i go to every training, thinking of how i can shoot higher, meet the school's calling. how to fill in the empty hole that im unable to fill.but i try everything i can. im trying.every training i go to the range thinking how i can get ____ out of self demotivation, how to get you to believe in the team, or even me. i think of how i can get eening to stop being hesitant under comp pressure.i dont have the answers. im not god. im not coach. im not anyone.im just very sad right now.that youve lost your faith in me. that ive lost your trust, and you dont confide in me anymore.im stressed cause ive to study. everyone has to, right? ive to catch up with everyone else. do my job as captain, running everywhere, calling chye wat seng, george keenly, running to safra, taking care of sec ones, make sure the sec twos are fine... ive been losing time that i prayed for. zijin, eening. i prayed for time when she was there in icu. i promised to spend alot more time and be more grateful. god decided to give me a second chance. but till today, i still think im not there yet. shes sad. shes bored. shes emotional.i cant take so many responsibilities 24 hours a day.please help me.and let me help you if you need it.i refuse to cry. to give up. i refuse.because ppl like rachel and the sec twos look up to us as role models. leaders. its not easy. but i dont wanna give up.and i cant do it without you two.i hope you can hear me. im shiing. beneath all the nypositions,andshit. the shiing youve always known.-its gonna be a long night
